Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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