So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
