I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
