Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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