Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
