I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
