How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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