Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
