Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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