It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
