Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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