I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
