My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
