the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
