why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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