If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
