if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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