how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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