i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
