bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
