someone get that fucking seahorse.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
