like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
