No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
