I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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