Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
