im six kinds of drunk right now
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
