apparently the secret to your success is patron
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
