The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
