I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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