So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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