So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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