I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
