Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
