I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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