put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dignity is for republicans.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
