I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
