community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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