he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
