I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
