I want to stick my p in your. b.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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