there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
