my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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