Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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