you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
