I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
