Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Is it because I queefed?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
