Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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