How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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