do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
