butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
